Hermione vs Criss Angel
Let's begin with a disclaimer
Before you sprout the nerve to tell me this will never be ERB, let me save you the trouble and tell you myself.
this is not Epic Rap Battles of Histroy
this can never equal ERB
this is me in my living room with my brother and my girlfriend
not in a studio collaborating with masters of their individual fields
that being said, this is not a COPY of ERB
this is content created through inspiration from other content
if this is a copy of ERB,
then ERB is a copy of rap battling
rap battling is a copy of rapping
rapping is a copy of poetry
poetry is a copy of english
english is a copy of communication
communication is a copy of human nature
human nature is a copy of God
Everyone copies God, how do you think He feels?
My video is obviously strikingly similar to ERB, but this is not the intention.
ERB's original idea has pinged a piece of passion in my core that I have developed and portrayed through this choreographed rap battle
If you have ever once created music, I can guarantee you didn't invent the idea of it
Learn, develop, redefine, create.
and the cycle recycles.
My video is a derivation of the format ERB had the timely privelege of breaking ground in first.
thank you
This is a rap battle between the fictional human spawned witch Hermione Granger and the non-fictional illusionist dare devil magician Criss Angel.
The purpose is to collide fictional magic and the way it is fabricated through other wordly theory with non-fictional magic and its real-life limitations and spectacles.
This is a representation of drawn connections, universe collision, and character representation.
Hermione is a witty witch whose passion for knowledge spurs confidence in a girl who lacks the natural resources that conceive natural confidence.
Criss Angel is a mysterious magician whose confidence is born out of aptitude and self-dependency -
the largest flaw to target with Criss is that his magic, within the confines of its own spectrum, is purely falsified spectacle as all magic is.
Although Hermione is fictional, her magic is natural and legitimately possessed within her fictional spectrum, so she has the advantage of wielding true powers.
Both are seen using what seems to be fictional magic.
Why can Criss do this?
Because part of his spectacle is Believing, not simply concealing. What he displays in real life appears the same way some fictional magic does. you dont see criss shooting green lasers, but levitating looks the same. In certain parts of the battle where Hermione exposes his weak aspects, you can see his vulnerability (show wires)
Now to turn this wealth of universes into an audio and visual portrayal.
For audio:
Hermione is a british student, arrogantly intelligent and poised. She speaks with confidence, whether true or false, and uses it to cover her weak areas.
Criss Angel is a middle aged magician, audibly known for having a slight speech impediment and leaning towards a vocal staccato crack in emphasized syllables.
steps:
LUXOR
LUCKSOR
L-U-CK-S-O-O-R
BRAIGHT LAIKE THE LUCKSOR
certain syllables that Criss pronounces due to this syllabic emphasis give it an impression of the accents used by British folk.
Potter becomes Potta due to the constraint placed on his R's.
The lisp he has is not defined as a LITHP, rather a LISTP.
Someone commented on my rap battle saying:
In your critical analysis of David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini, you were disappointed that Criss Angel didn't have his iconic lisp. But in this rap battle all I heard was you talking in a creepy voice without any sort of lisp.
To which I wanted to reply, do you know who Criss Angel is?
I mentioned in that video and in the behind the scenes of this video that Criss Angel has a LITS-h-P, not a LITHP. All his S sounds touch his teeth and make it sound like TS or S*air* instead of S. Seen in the words "son" "shine" "luxor", etc. Other S sounds, like in the word "respect", he pushes out more air than normal S sounds. "res-hh-pect". Look up Criss Angel speaking, you'll find his derivation of a lisp is exactly how I portrayed it here, and is not how it was portrayed in ERB.
FORWARD TO 14:17
Visually:
Hermione is represented in her school attire. My brother had a personalized wand created in Universal Studios that was designed with Hermione as inspiration. It's not her official wand, but it's the closest we had.
Criss is popular for his gaudy jewelry and gothic apparel. I had handcuffs chained together and strung through a dog tag chain, a sacrametal cross necklace, and attached to my personal chain was a pendant donning the signature letter A branded by Criss Angel. I looked far and wide and finally found a shop on Etsy called BestMerch in Russia that handcrafted this pendant for me.
Aside from the jeans and one ring, all other jewelry belongs to my mother, who made an appearance as Criss' mother, Dmitria.
3 rings, a studded belt, and a black jean jacket.
Since Miss4yo left her black nail polish at home, we had to use face crayon to paint my face and nails.
This was extremely inconvinient because it was very sensitive to removal - and I needed my fingers to set up the camera. between that, kneeling on the green screen and acting as a one man band, this makeup got EVERYWHERE. my greens creen is currently covered in black dots, and in certain parts of the video you can clearly see where it wiped off on my palms or on Hermione's failed test.
perks of not having a crew, right?
------------
before we get into the lyrics I want to make some more comments about aesthetics.
Zander, who played Ron Weasley, helped design the backgrounds. He handcrafted the model of the Luxor pyramid, which is how it appears to be spinning in certain parts of the video.
The sky is actually footage I shot myself.
The day we were supposed to film for this battle, my town got hit with a huge storm and lost all power. there were some benefits of this storm, one is that it offered a spectacular sky to use in the video.
The original color of the sky can be seen in this part of the video, there is no filter on it. Pure orange.
The same sky is used in Criss' main background, just color corrected to fit the scenery.
MAGIC HAND MOTIONS
some inside jokes that you may not have caught or weren't quite evident in the full video:
the spine of the book says "how to pretend to be a magician" and is why the book had tape on it. I wanted to cover the actual title of the book, but you never really saw it, so the tape just pisses me off watching it now.
the same thing applied with the hat hermione slapped on Criss' head. it has a piece of paper on it that reads:
"I wish I wuz Hoodini"
I allowed my brother to have creative freedom in scripting Hermione's failed test, and this is what he wrote on it:
"test"
In order to make Hermione's body able to be split without interfering with the bench, we filmed that scene only with 3 layers.
the other scenes include 1 take of criss, hermione and the bench all at once. this scene includes Criss alone, the bench alone, and Hermione laying on the bench which has the green screen draped over it.
When I first wrote this battle a year ago, it looked a little different.
First draft from July 22, 2014:
HERMOINE:
Criss, I missed what you're spitting for
I'm the baddest witch in griffindor
i'll bewitch a fickle dwarf
thinking hes a lord by picking at his wrist to get rid of some corridors
oooh
Mindfreak,
ever since it got dropped it
seems I only see you on posters in Hot Topic
I'll drop kick your fake show
don't mock me or I'll knock you like Draco
CRISS:
I respect women, got love for my momma
but Imma bout to hit on you harder than Potter
Got more flow than your beer made of butter
You're a hufflepuffin ugly son of a muggle
-screech-
I shine bright like the Luxor
You a two faced witch, voldemort
You better believe that it's Christopher Nicholas
petrifying ugly witches turning them to basilisks
It was originally planned to have Ron Weasley rescue Hermione with his own rap verse. Zander's first draft of his idea for that verse was this:
[7/22/14, 10:06:00 PM] Zander: Ron:
It's Ron Weasley, making you queasy
With the flick of a stick, i'll turn a prick with magic into a creature more sick than a basalisk (ow)
I could be kissing Hermione, but i'm dissing you instead
I may be a red head, but i'm fire in the bed
Here's one little spell to cast on ya
Screw your floating act, wingardium leviosaw
Hermione:
It's leviosa, not leviosaw!
[7/22/14, 10:10:08 PM] Mat4yo: lmao ill have to edit that a little
[7/22/14, 10:10:33 PM] Mat4yo: “ill steal your soul cause apparently i need one”
That evolved into:
RON:
They call me Mister Weasley
disprove your theories easily
???
I'll steal your soul since I apparently need one
I'm a wizard, better watch out there
You're just a wiz at editing software
My crew, I've been guarding 'em, you a faux pa
what's a foot trick to Wingardium leviosaw?
HERMOINE:
It's leviosah! not leviosaw!
CRISS:
I'll levitate all over petty warlocks
hand crafted by potions, humans and frog warts,
I can tell it gets a little humid in Hogwarts
Which was then turned into:
Your birth is the fourth unforgivable curse
???
???
??? dungeon dragon
??? confundus your grundle ??? like I done McLaggen
Ron Weasley was planned up until the last day to include this finalized verse:
RON:
Hermoine! Bloody hell! Hermoine!
I’ll revive you with some fiery rhyming!
They call me Mister Weasley
disprove your theories easily
You’ll need more than your sleight of hand
When you’re locked up back in Azkaban
licks lips while eating muffin
I'm a wizard, spitting hotter than my hair
You're just a wiz at editing software
My crew, I've been guarding 'em, you a faux pa
what's a foot trick to Wingardium levioSAH?
There were a few reasons we decided to cut Ron. Regarding the video, Criss didn't have a backup rapper and Hermione stood out enough on her own. Realistically, however, Zander did not have a proper green screen lighting set up or a camera to match the quality standard of the one I was using during the entire battle. instead of cutting him, we cut it down to a small role where we could avoid such a stark quality difference, given he only was in a few shots.
Literally the day of filming, I cut Ron's verse, gave Hermione his closing lines, and gave Hermione two extra lines:
A dementor could see this tricks not real
Objects in your mirror are grosser than they appear
There had to be a transition between being cut in half to being a full bodied character again, and since Ron was going to provide that transition, I needed to literally write a new transition in with the lyrics. So, Hermione makes an easy to get reference that simply says straight up what many critics of this specific trick say: it's just not real.
By mentioning mirrors, we give Hermione an excuse to not only become whole again, but to reveal and poke fun at a flaw or discovered methodology of Criss' insane trick.
Also, Harry Potter's inclusion was decided the week after the storm, so the power outage inadvertantly caused more good than harm.
I absolutely love seeing all 3 characters standing next to eachother, especially when I'm somewhat infamous for using Harry Potter in a rap battle a few years ago and then bringing Hermione in with this one. I wanted to capitalize on my usage of the HP series by giving proper dues to the main cast.
If you have any other questions, comments or concerns about the aspects of this video you still don't understand, feel free to rewatch this segment or leave a comment.
Now to the lyrics:
HERMOINE:
Criss, I missed what you're spitting for
I'm the baddest witch in griffindor
Hermione takes the role of innocent bystander and assumes that Criss Angel is starting this fight - except she presumptiously delivers the first hit. This is reminscent of her confidence in battle, how she knows what she's doing and doesn't hesitate to act.
I'll bewitch a fickle dwarf
Who’s getting more fame from click bait than a retail fishing store
Clickbait is a term that defines a video or other propoganda that exists for the purpose of milking a trend or captivating (but sometimes misleading) title as a ploy for mongering views. Hermione says that Criss' stunts and tricks are nothing but clickbait and titualr excuses to get famous without any true substance. She compares the term "bait" to that of fishing lure, saying Criss gets more attraction and draws more crowds for promoting bait than a retail fishing store does.
You better be ready, I light up the dark
One of Criss' catchphrases is "Are you Ready?" . It is famous for closing his theme song. Hermione, yet again being arrogant and stubborn, takes this line away from Criss so he can't use it against her. Since Criss is notorious for swallowing the camera, she steals this from him too. In the video, you can see that she lights up the darkness that exists within one's mouth with the "lumos" charm and spell.
A recurring theme is that Criss Angel is dark and evil magic and Hermione is light and good magic. Hermione uses both of those terms in also saying that she will light up those who are dark, or set them aflame with her raps.
The earth’s boggart’s your ridikkulus art
We'll be quoting the Harry Potter wikia so here's a plug.
"A boggart is an amortal shape-shifting non-being that takes on the form of the viewer's worst fear"
HP characters have signature boggarts attributed to them.
She says Criss' form of what he calls "magic" is the entire earth's worst nightmare, given how terrible she is accusing it of being.
"The charm that combats a boggart is Riddikulus. The charm requires a strong mind and good concentration."
Hermione parodies the differentiating nature of the word ridiculous by relating it to Riddikulus. For someone like Criss, the word "ridiculous" could mean amazingly awesome and spectacular. He may call his art "ridiculous art". Hermione, more educated and proficient in vocabulary, would use the word "ridiculous" to mean repulsive, hideous, or dispicable. She may call his art "ridiculous art". Hermione analyzed that the same phrase could mean two different things, and parodies the relationship between boggarts and riddikulus by saying what Criss may falsley interperet as a compliment, but what Hermione knows is an underlying insult.
Her strong mind and good concentration is truly what is ridiculously good and worth threatening Criss with.
I can spell you out with the wand in my pocket
"Siriusly black, mascot of hot topic!"
Continuing the theme of being smarter than Criss, Hermione says she can out-spell him alphabet-wise. It is also a reference to how Hermione's name is complex in spelling, while Criss, having such a simple and easy name to spell, spells it incorrectly from the common spelling. Spell is also a double meaning for the kind of spells you cast with Hermoine's type of magic - and she will use her fictional magic to disprove and destroy Criss' real-life but false magic.
The spelling jokes continue with how the word "Sirius" is spelled like the character Sirius Black but is supposed to be interpreted as "seriously black", harkening back to the theme of Criss' dark magic, and that he is seriously dressed in all black. Someone dressed like this can easily represent the attire sold by Hot Topic, and Criss may only be able to find a purpose in his current career by representing the store as their mascot.
CRISS:
I respect women, got love for my momma
But Imma bout to hit on you harder than Potter
Criss Angel's mother, Dmitria, was a large presence early in the TV series, Mindfreak. Her role was to show the motherly concern for a daredevil like Criss, always seen anxious and worried for her child's safety. She is always shown crying in distress during the filming of Criss' stunts. I had my own mother cameo as Dmitria, showing her largely worried for her child levitating above a roof top, rap battling .
Criss loves his mother, and uses it as a scapegoat to battle rap a girl. This line basically says "I do respect women, but that's not going to mean I'll take it easy on you."
To hit on someone is to flirt with them in an effort to win their heart, similar to how Harry Potter may or may not accidentally seem to crush on Hermione throughout the series. Criss will hit on Hermione not only in a flirtatious way because she's cute, but he will hit hard with his raps and not hold back from hurting her feelings just because she is a girl.
Not rescuing you when your tricks fall under
Another benefit of the storm is that it provided an extra week in which the real Criss Angel actually made headlines. My dad, noticing I was preparing for the role of Criss Angel, asked me if I heard about the news.
During a rehersal for his stage show, supernaturalists, co-performer Spencer Horsman was practicing his escape from an elevated cage of water when Criss realized something was wrong. Criss pulled himself up on top of the cage and forcefully dismantled the locks, ultimately saving the unconcious performer's life.
In this battle, a replica of the water cage is seen hanging from the theoretical ceiling. this time, however, Hermione is in the box, and Criss is sitting on top in an effort to keep her trapped instead of rescuing her.
Through the lyrics, he says that he won't rescue her when her tricks fall under. The HP crew is often seen running into problems as a result of someone's mistakes. Criss says he will not uses his supernatural insticts to rescue Hermione when her own shortcomings lead her into dangerous situations.
You're a Hufflepuffin' ugly son of a muggle
Comparing Hermione to that of another Hogwarts house is naturally insluting, especially when one has such pride in their house. A witch being muggle born is also embarassing and unordinary. A muggle born witch or wizard is one who was born of two non-magical parents but inherited magic from another seed in their ancestry. this line exists to parody common curse words. Since this is a kid friendly battle, and Criss is much older than Hermoine, he uses Hogwarts-themed innuendos as a substitute for adult language. Hufflepuffin = Motherfucking, Son of a Muggle = Son of a Bitch.
HERMIONFREAK!
Criss' theme song for his show included him screaming MINDFREAK more times than needed. He parodies the same sound that HERMIONE has to MINDFREAK and combines the two words, screaming about how much of a freak hermione is.
Kevin Krust was so kind to lend his eeriee screamo talent to this line in the battle. I literally could not do it without entering a falsetto or sounding like I was a reverse working industrial vacuum cleaner.
I shine bright like the Luxor
You’re a two faced witch like Voldemort
Criss propogated the Luxor Casino and Hotel in many of his stunts. You can see it in the background of the video and he has been known to levitate on the building previously. The building has a powerful light escaping from the top and it is iconic in Criss' career.
Further parodying the curse word substitution, a two faced B-word is someone who turns their back on their friends for other gains. Hermione is mostly seen helping her friends, but there have been times where they got into scuffles. remember, rap battling is all about overexaggeration and elaborated insulting. Criss makes this assumption that she is a traitor to her family's kind and to her friends by relating it to her being two faced, similar to how Quirrinus Quiirel had two faces - one of which was Voldemort's.
This Hor’scrux is to cover frailty with intellect
she puts her soul into reading and intelligence as a fail-safe for her frailty and accused lack of fighting ability. and the play on words is calling her a whore, and saying that her crux (defined as the most important point of something) is to cover frailty with intellect.
"A Horcrux is a powerful object in which a Dark wizard or witch has hidden a fragment of his or her soul for the purpose of attaining immortality. " Criss plays on the two parts of this word - Whore, and Crux. Crux is defined as the decisive or most important point at issue. He accuses Hermione of being a whore who's most important issue at hand is using big words and false intelligence to cover up the frailty and lack of talent she possesses.
I’m petrifying sissy witches quicker than them basilisks
Here comes the rampage. The next 5 lines are all related to the idea that Criss is a parselmouthed snake whose trickery and deception against his fans deems him worthy of being in the Slytherin house with the other evil spirited wizards. Let's start here:
"The Basilisk is a giant serpent, also known as the King of Serpents. It is a creature bred by Dark Wizards. It is rumored to petrify muggle-borns."
Criss says his magic is great enough to possess hermione just like she was possessed by a basilisk by looking at its eyes through a mirror.
Criss inadvertantly implies that he is one among the basilisks and is seeking Hermione's destruction. He will petrify her quicker than the basilisk did.
Criss uses a mirror, a gimmick commonplace to his magic arsenal, to transition into Hermione's next verse.
Hermione and Penelope were petrified through a mirror by Salazar Slytherin's Basilisk , which was controlled by Tom Riddle's memory. Salazar being the founder of the slytherin house. this is important to know for Hermione's next part.
Criss uses a mirror, a gimmick commonplace to his magic arsenal, to transition into Hermione's next verse. It is also symbolic of Criss initiating the 5 line string of story material and handing it off to Hermione through the mirror.
The core of the extended metaphor is analyzed by Hermoine.
HERMOINE:
Say that 10 times fast!
Your magic can't get your parseltongue back from the cat!
This line makes fun of Criss' slight lisp I mentioned earlier. That being said, Hermione is accusing him of having his tounge tied from saying the previous line, one that had 6 S sounds in close range of one another. A phrase you say when trying to tongue tie someone is "say that 10 times fast!" this not the only part of the joke, so don't go saying its generic. because it's followed up by this:
another common method for implying someone is having a hard time speaking or pronouncing something is jokingly asking if a cat got their tongue. but what kind of tongue does she say Criss has? a parsletounge.
the correct term would actually be parselmouth, but for the sake of reference she says parseltounge, which is the language of snakes.
According to the Urban Dictionary, a snake is 1. A scamming backstabber. Someone who does something just to get something out of it. Hermione says that Criss' fake magic is a scam for fame and he doesn't have true abilities like she does.
In the video, a snake appears who's hissing slithers from left to right speaker. the hissing sounds like a male vocal because it is insinuating that the snake is actually Criss Angel in this evil form.
So, given that we know a cat got Criss' parseltoungue, the language of snakes, of which he is one because of his scams, would you believe there's more?
arguably, the language of snakes can be identified as hissing sounds, sounds that consist of only the letter "S". what letter does a lisp affect the pronunciation of? "S".
It is ironic that a parselmouth would have a lisp, which is what makes this such a strong connection.
Hermione says since his magic is a scam, he cannot use it to retrieve his stolen tongue. there's no opprtunity for illusion there.
however, there is illusion associated with stealing someone's nose and trying to get it back.
When a has-been actor spits bloody crud Riddlin’
Slap a cap on that hair and slip him into Slytherin!
You thought the snake analogy was done? No, these are the capitalizing lines.
She calls criss a has-been actor, inferring his popularity has dwindled with his age. bloody crud are two common british subsitutes for negative vulgar language. Criss' rapping is a form of riddling, and Hermione says its terrible. what kind of riddling? Tom Riddling.
Tom Riddle, "later known as Lord Voldemort, was a half-blood wizard and considered by many to be the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time". He was part of the Slytherin House.
"Slytherin is one of the four Houses at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Salazar Slytherin, the house is composed mostly of pure-blood students, due to its founder's mistrust of Muggle-borns."
Hermione is noted saying previously that Criss' rapping is pure-bloody crud!
"The Sorting Hat claims that blood purity, is a factor in selecting Slytherins."
What is the sorting hat? Could it be the cap that Hermione suggest Criss slap on his hair?
Yes, the sorting hat is a "Hogwarts artefact which magically determines to which of the four school Houses each new student is to be assigned."
Hermione suggest that Criss wear the sorting hat not only to confirm her suspicion of him being a pure-blood snake seeking power, but also to hide his hideous hairstyle.
Criss is also famously seen wearing a forwards black baseball cap during some of his outdoor magic stunts, similar to the prop Hermione uses in the video.
This line also includes alliteration with the letter S.
She suggests she slip him into slytherin, choosing the word slip because of the slippery nature of snakes and the Slytherin house's affiliation with water. She treats Slytherin like its a shameful place to be banished to, comparing Criss to a snake, to a scam artist, to Salazar Slytehrin, to a lisp-plagued toungue tier, a pure-bloody poor riddler, a hideous hair hiding hag, an illusionist with a vital weak spot, and an evil basilisk.
Freak in the mind, primed on card tricks for laymen
Playing pretend dead in your Las Vegas play pen
Parodying Criss Angel's title of Mindfreak, someone who freaks your mind out, she says he is more like a freak in the mind, or someone who is derranged and thinks he's better than what he is.
She says he is primed, or is foundationally famous for doing simple tricks to impress the layman, or the average person who can't see through his ruse.
She mocks Criss' career as using Las Vegas as a huge playground to perform silly tricks that mindless monkeys to pay to watch. Many of Criss' stunts include him placing himself into life threatening situations and often times convincing the audience he has been killed only to surface alive elsewhere.
Hermione says playing pretend is no excuse for being magically talented.
Your family will stare with most trepid screams
When I avada kadavra you and the beat
As Criss' mother anxiously prays for Criss' safety, Criss' other family members also appeared on the show. All of which were extremely concerned with Criss' well being and safety as shown in interviews and live reactions during stunts. When his family sees what Hermione will do to him, they will REALLY scream in terror at this act: when she casts avadakadvra to kill both Criss and the beat. To kill a beat is to rap really well on it.
The Killing Curse (Avada Kedavra) is a tool of the Dark Arts and one of the three Unforgivable Curses. It is one of the most powerful and sinister spells known to wizardkind. When cast successfully on a living person or creature, the curse causes instantaneous death. Hermione is also saying she is turning Criss' dark arts around onto him.
CRISS:
If you kill a beat, then i’m a death eater
Since Hermione said she was going to kill a beat, the beat would be dead. Criss is saying that he will eat the beat, another phrase for rapping well, he would inadvertently be eating death, or a death-eater.
Criss is often seen eating, swallowing or replacing objects within his own body. In this line, he claims he will eat the beat, then pulls a test paper out of his mouth.
Furthering the Criss is dark magic motif, and confirming Hermione's suspicion of his darkness, Criss affirms he is similar to the death eaters of the Harry Potter universe.
The Death Eaters was the name given to followers of Lord Voldemort. The group primarily consisted of wizards and witches who were radical pure blood supremacists, who practised the Dark Arts with reckless abandon and without regard to or fear of wizarding law.
This is also relevant because Criss avoids death in several of his stunts, basically to the point where he's eating it for breakfast.
When Hermione shoots the killing curse and Criss catches it, it is representative of Criss' stunt of catching a bullet. He succesfully caught a bullet and walked away alive. both a bullet and the kiling curse are types of projectiles capable of killing - and Criss can easily catch them both. He also makes it disappear in this scene.
Flunking this bookworm just-for-fun reader
Hermoine's boggart, or worst fear, is notably failing Prof. McGonogall's class. Mocking Hermione for being a studious geek overly-concentrated on academic excellence, he calls her a bookworm and a just-for-fun reader. There's nothing crazy going on with this line, just a simple joke that everyone can understand with different levels of meaning for different audiences.
For my next trick, with a kiss, you'll find
I’ll dement-ify dimes to her husband’s kind
Criss Angel is ultimately a magician. regardless of how mold breaking he intends to be, the simple formula of performing is still evident as it is through the phrase "for my next trick". Criss often kisses objects and places them in or near his mouth as a part of his magic. Criss also uses coins, dimes if you will. Most famously, he swallowed a coin and moved it down his arm and succesfully cut open his arm to remove the exact coin.
Another meaning of the word dime, according to the Urban Dictionary, is a very attractive person, a perfect ten. This is the second time Criss insults Hermione while at the same time hitting on her.
He releates this to a dementor's kiss, the act of a Dementor sucking out a person's soul. He swallows the dime that represents Hermione's soul.
So, if you haven't noticed, the obligatory "your husband is a ginger with no soul" joke comes in a more complex form in this piece.
Let me demonstrate drawing mudblood with magic
Muggle-born witches and wizards are often derided by pure-bloods and called disparaging names such as "Mudblood", a term implying that they are somehow dirty and impure. Many pure-bloods believe that Muggle-borns are unworthy of magic and should not be allowed into the wizarding world.
To draw blood is a term associated with fighting someone - what he is threatening to do to Hermoine. Drawing is also a form of art, and the painting in this scenario is Criss seperating two bodies in half.
This entire scenario is reminscent of what Criss would say to his audience - let me demonstrate using MAGIC - even when it's not entirely magic.
Relax, lay back, just like that, exactly
These are all things Criss says when pulling the bodies apart as he's doing to Hermione.
I used these phrases as an excuse to reach Criss' voice to the fullest of it's extent. you really hear the cracking of my saliva and the shape of my mouth through these lines, and it provided me an excellent opportunity to virtually recreate the way he says specific words by also providing a transition and story element into the battle.
Now take your cell phones out, record when I start
Pulling stranger Granger’s body apart
This scenario is only relevant to the video where Criss splits Hermione in half -
The word play here is that Criss claims that all of his subjects are strangers - a large part of his recurring theme of believing is approaching strangers and performing tricks on them, to further prove that the acts are not staged or rehearsed (even when they might be). In the famous body splitting act,Criss pulled apart the bodies of "strangers". The term "stranger" also infers that Hermione is among one of the stranger beings in the HP universe, muggle-born excelling in the art of magic. But also strange in behavior, emotions, and overall portrayal. She is a stranger Granger. stranger danger. don't be a stranger, let's make out.
HERMOINE:
A dementor could see this trick's not real
Hermione sees her role as Criss' trick guinea pig as an opportunity to expose the trick. I tried to pull an easy to get reference with this line, comparing it to how a blind being, a dementor, could even see that something is skewed or falsley portrayed.
The objects in your mirrors are grosser than they appear
Following the warning labeled on car mirrors, "objects seem closer than they appear", Hermione makes word play out of "grosser", saying that now she has seen the inside of one of Criss' tricks, not only is he a gross human being, but the art of pretending to have supernatural powers through the illusions of mirrors is figuratively grosser or more dishonerable than it appears to be.
It's leviOsah! not levioSAH!
With all the intense depth of the rest of the lyrics, this line was used to appeal to people who may not understand most of it. However, there is a deeper meaning to this simple reiteration of the movie quote.
Hermione displays how her ego can get to her head by wasting the first line of what couldv'e been her finishing verse. Instead of continuing to diss Criss, she lets her pride say her last line. She corrects Ron's tactics, and leaves an opening for Criss to steal the mic from her and get the last word in.
CRISS:
I levitate all over petty warlocks
Hand crafted by potions, humans and frog warts
I can tell it gets a little humid in Hogwarts