Get Chiseled!
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Plankton to Dr. Doofenschmirtz
"You’re a doof Dr. Doof, I mean it’s even in your name!
Did you get a birth defect or something?, what's wrong with your face"
Ok. Doof is not a word. "I mean" and "it's even" are filler lines.
This is a bad case of a question clause. There's no creative foundation to support the excuse to ask the question. In fact, the attempt at the punchline is also a question (one that fails to be hurtful). The FACT is that he has a deformed fact; it is the writer's job to exploit that fact in creative ways.
Deadpool to The Joker:
Hello bro Listen I don't want problem "dump " Dude you have to do something with your life You just a clown with who never defeats this guy I have powers even to rule the world That I you even touch me you gonna get hurt Lisen I'm gonna win is no even hard Because I'm rapping against a guy who's logo is a card
Irrelevant introduction.
Don't ever call someone "dude" unless you're rap battling a surfer.
Do "just" justice, please. Don't ever use that word
unless its purpose is to compare or belittle something.
The rest of these lines are either fillers or facts.
Anyone can write a book report.
It takes a lyricist to turn facts into creativity.
Quicksilver to The Flash:
Yeah I might be from the past But unless I have swag
Yeah that's right You going against who runs more fast than light
Do not EVER point out your own flaws.
Even though "being from the past"
doesn't seem like a necessary "flaw",
it is worded in a way that appeals as an
excuse, rather than a buffer.
"Yeah" is a No Go. It's among the worst filler lines.
And its the beginning of both lines...
DON'T FORGET PROPER GRAMMAR!
TruthBrood to Iamthelegion
Why hello there audience! I'm here to diss this disgrace I'm kind of hesitating because of his
ugly face But alas,
I'll kick his ass, twice as fast Legion?
You're right, Legion of bad raps
Not too bad lyrics, except they lack material.
It looks like you're using common filler diss lines,
for example, saying "I will diss you" and "kick your
ass" in any shape or form.
What about him relates to kicking his ass?
The "Legion of Bad Raps" is simplistically funny.
However, I would prefer to use a more complex
term to sum up "bad raps".
Jake the Dog to Phineas (I assume)
Go back to making out with Ferb, since you
know you can't win
Also I suggest making friends, I've got cool ones like Finn
Saying "Go Back to" is a way to inadvertently state
that someone currently does or has done something
embarassing or inferior. And Ferb does not make out
with Phineas, so there is a more clear and clever way
to insinuate that they are homosexual.
There are ways to say that phrase without taking up
so many syllable spaces: Return, Revert, etc.
Don't "suggest" anything. Saying it in the first place
is the understood way of suggesting something.
I don't think having a cool friend is a way to put
someone down... especially when Phineas does
have a lot of friends.
GTA to Watchdogs:
This will be the last I see of you
again
cause your game is unoriginal l
ike ben ten
Unless that first line is a movie
quote, get it out.
A name being unoriginal is not
diss worthy, unless they stole
their name from something else
widely known. (If this was the case,
a different diss is called for.)
And what does Ben 10 have to do
with GTA or Watchdogs...
Ben 10 to Megaman:
Yeah I'm a kid, but with a watch, I've got class! I met Astro Boy, he said he fucked your robo dog in the ass!
"Yeah I'm a kid" acknowledges an insecurity.
Having a watch and having class are not
corellated inherently. It would make sense to
force corellation upon the two IFF having "class"
was a specific theme of either party.
However, I don't see its relevance.
I don't want to comment on the last part...
But it's too unorthodox to have a place in the
battle.
I don't see how it's offensive to propose a
situation where a third party character informs
Ben 10 that he had sexual intercourse with Megaman's canine.
Freddy Fazbear VS R.O.B.:
Me against this crazy video game controller? Aww, that ain’t even fair! Beware, for when the power’s gone, you’ll be afraid of my glare.
Filler. Line.
"Aww that 'aint even fair"
If that is a quote from FNAF, then I apoligize.
Otherwise, it has no place in the battle.
The second line has some potential, but it's
more or less worded here like stating a fact.
You should bring it around indriectly:
With the fear in your eyes,
I see the power must be off
The hitbox of this line is the relationship between
fear mongering and the power turning off.
So, incorporate that relationship by dissing him
with a proposal that the power must be off.
Crono to Trunks:
This brat will get a lyrical execution better call me the Chancellor / I give life to my comrades! You couldn’t even save your mentor
Brat is only acceptable when rap battling
an infant
"Couldn't even" is a mouthful. Either remove
those two lines or replace them with something
relevant.
The execution/Chancellor connection is ok,
but saying "better call me" in this situation
lengthens the distance between the two
connecting terms. The closer they are,
the more obvious the connection is.
They may be interpereted as unrelated factors
if done incorrectly. Because "chancellor" is the
platform and "execution" is the hitbox, if they
were inverted, the distance can be greater.
Nintendo to Sega:
Yo what's up, Nintendo joining the game, who are you, just some blue prick who is achieving fame.
The attempt at a creative introduction fails to be
relevant to either side. "Yo, what's up" can be
replaced with something creative.
This type of direct diss, saying "who are you" and
asking a rhetorical question to yourself, is poor
technique. There are much more creative ways
to call someone something without outright
saying it.
Also, its not clear that you're referencing Sonic
by saying blue prick.
And he's achieving fame? Is that a compliment
in a rap battle?